


Limitless

by Neutral03



Category: No Fandom, Orginal
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hardships, M/M, Other, Slow Burn, depressed character, firends to lover, happyending, heavy talks of anxiety, more tags to be added later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21594184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutral03/pseuds/Neutral03
Summary: When everything that you love is falling apart around you what do you do? Do you sit back and just let it crumble or do you stand up and fight for what you believe in? The only thing that is worth fighting for is love. Love is something powerful and something that builds nations and destroys them. Hopefully this time it's enough.
Relationships: OCs/Ocs
Comments: 6
Kudos: 1





	1. Prolouge

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? What exactly you were put here on this Earth to do, and if you are capable of doing that task. Whenever I think about this I always think about how I could never live up to my expectations. What I've come to learn in my short time on this Earth is that life more than not tends to screw you over in the worst possible way. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good of a person you are it doesn't matter. Life doesn't care who you are, or what you are, or how much your family needs you. When it deems your time up, it's up and there isn't a damn thing that you can do about it. Sometimes I believe that life's only goal it to make sure you've had a miserable one. And no matter how hard you try to be a good person doesn't factor into anything. In my experience the more you try to be a good or better person in this world the more your entitled to suffer in the end. It's all pointless now. 

For example, my Dad was a victim of this cruel joke that we call life. He is......, well he was a cop. He was one of the best in his unit too. He was part of the Homicide Unit, at the 21st precinct in Chicago, Il. He worked his ass off day and night for all of the victims on his cases. He wanted the world to be a better place, especially for his family. It was just the 5 of us, with my Dad included. It was me, my Mom Lucille "Lucy," my older sister Naomi-Grace, and my little brother Carter. It was just like every other day where Dad was busy with a big case. He hadn't been home in about 3 days, he was out an about following up leads and loose ends. Periodically he'd call us all though. Mom used to always complain that he knew to call exactly when she was busy in the middle of her shift at the hospital. Naomi always said that Dad would do it just to get on Mom's nerves just because he loved her so much. They had been together for 16 years when he was murdered in cold blood. 

I can still remember it like it was yesterday, and it still sends chills down my spine and nausea burning through my stomach. It was late November 2014. To be more specific it was November 16, 2014. It was a Sunday, and I remember Carter complaining because Mom made him get up earlier so that we could go to church. They were holding a sunrise service before Thanksgiving rolled around. Mom was also upset that Dad had to call and say that he couldn't make it. He had a new lead on the case that he was assigned to. A girl a couple years older than my sister at the time was found dead in a back alley somewhere. I can remember Dad telling Mom about how they found her stripped naked, with knife marks and carvings all over her body, when they both thought that I was asleep in the living room of our apartment. Dad thought that she was a runaway, since they couldn't find any relatives or someone to claim the body. A couple of guys from the ME's office and Dad's unit including Dad chipped in to help pay for the funeral. I always thought that it was nice of him, it was something that he didn't have to do, and yet he did it anyway. Mom always says that our Father had a heart of gold. And that was the last good act that he ever did. 

The next thing that I can remember about that day is, the feeling of excitement after coming home from church. That day I had planned to go over to my best friend's place once he got out of Mass. We were going to spend the afternoon playing video games, since the next week of school was the last before Thanksgiving break and we were doing nothing in class. And I was going to spend the night at his place since he lived across the hall from me. Mathew Blake had been my best friend since he had moved in across the hall from us when we were 3. Our days were friends since mine was on the job, and his Dad Trevor was a paramedic with the Fire Department. His two little Michael and Troy were friends with Carter. And his Mom Janet was our 4th grade teacher. She was my favorite one that I had in elementary school. It was in my opinion without a doubt the perfect life. Now everyone has their hard times, and were no strangers to that, but overall we had it good. And that is something that can never be fixed after what happened. 

Getting back on track now, where was I? Oh yeah, Sunday after church, that's right. I remember getting the call. You know THE CALL, the one that every first responders, and military personnel's families dread. Now, normally the person to make that call would be the boss, or some random stranger calling them and saying the whole "I'm so very sorry..." spill about it was so tragic and how good of a person that their loved one was. When Mom got hers, it wasn't some random stranger or a member of the Big Brass at the main precinct for the police. It was Trevor Blake. My Dad's best friend since they were in their early 20s. I can remember my Mom picking up the phone and answering him thinking that he was calling about mine and Matt's sleepover. Naomi, Carter and I were in the kitchen waiting on her to help her make lunch when she walked out of the room to take the call. The three of us were just goofing off with each other like we would on any other Sunday. Carter was re-telling a story of how two kids in his grade were suspended because they were caught painting the boy's bathroom red with paints that they stole out of the art room. We were laughing and having a good time when we heard Mom screaming. I was the first one to reach her, and sometimes I wish that I was a little slower than I was. 

I remember rushing up to her saying "Mom! Mom! What is it, what's wrong?!" And I held her as she began sobbing as she told us that our Dad was dead. She said that he was shot in pursing a suspect on the murder case he was working on. The man shot both my Dad and his partner Mike Foster. Uncle Mike as we called him, since him and Dad has been partners since Naomi, was a year old, was hit first. He got shot in the head trying to protect Dad from getting hit. Which was hard for me to swallow. Out of the 3 of us Naomi took it the hardest, she was the closest to him out of us. Uncle Mike treating her like a princess, even more so his own daughter. he treated us like his own kids, especially since his wife and son died in a car wreck a couple of months before Naomi was born. It really messed him up bad, he was this close to either being kicked off or resigning from the force. That is until he met Dad; he dragged him to Temple and he wasn't even Jewish. Dad invited him over to dinner every week, with no choice of ditching once Mom caught on to what he was doing. Then when he found out that they were going to have Naomi he was over the moon. Naomi was special to him because she was like his first born. They had a special bond that neither me or Carter could ever have. 

After the shock from Uncle Mike wore off, Mom started crying about Dad again. I remember her shaking as she said that once the shooter had gotten Uncle Mike, as soon as Dad was on the ground with him, he got Dad before he could get cover. He shot my father 10 times. That's when my world just completely shattered around me. My Dad, my loving. kind, caring, and thoughtful Dad was gone, he was murdered. Dad was my hero, my best friend, he was who I wanted to be when I grew up when I was little. I looked up to my Dad like one would look up at the stars in the sky. He was mine and my family's everything. And some monster stole him away from us. I don't remember much after that, the last thing that I can clearly remember is everyone crying Naomi was over by the front door hitting our front door over and over again. Mom and Carter were on the floor in the middle of the living room hugging each other crying into each others shoulders. And I just stood there, it felt like time was slowing down, everything was slowing down to a stand still. Then all of a sudden the room started spinning and I couldn't breathe. I remember Naomi trying to call out to me as darkness was taking over my vision before everything went black. 

The next thing that I know, I'm coming to in mine and Carter's room. I was on my bed, tucked underneath my covers. I was completely numb at this point. I was just existing in that moment, I laid there looking up at the glow n' the dark stars that Dad put up when I was 3 becasue I was scared of the dark. He told me that they would protect me and keep me safe from the monsters because they were shaped like his badge. A lot help it was to him, it was what got him killed. That was the moment that I broke down and just started crying. I cried and cried until I couldn't breathe anymore. At some point Naomi came into the room and laid down on the bed and held me as I cried. We fell asleep like that, that night in our apartment in the East Village. And our family was never the same after that night. 

Looking back on that night now, I have never felt more broken in my life. The second night that my Dad was gone I laid in bed waiting for my Dad to come in and say good night to me and Carter. But he never came, and I just looked over at Carter's bed to find him gone. He started sleeping with Mom after that night, it lasted for months before he could share a room with me. I don't know what her more about that, Carter going to Mom to comfort or the fact that I spent every single night alone in my room by myself. Looking back on it now, it seems pretty bad for my health. This traumatic event caused a lot of damage to my psyche. And today I still have trouble talking or even thinking about it. My Mom sometime talks about me going to therapy and talking to a counselor about my problems and anxieties. Logically I know that I need to do this, but it's..... it's so hard to talk about my Dad. And it hurts so much to bring up all of those memories, both the good and the bad. 

My Mom created a new tradition on my Dad's birthday, I hate that tradition with a burning passion. Mom thought that it would be a good idea to watch home videos of Dad, and bake him a cake on his birthday. We'd bake his favorite chocolate cake and watch the home movies of him as a way to remember him. The first time that we did that I cried so hard that I got sick and threw up during the video of Dad holding me the first time after I was born. I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom going through waves of vertigo and nausea, while my Mom rubbed my back in soothing circle motions. I haven't been able to really participate in those every year since. I spend my time on my Dad's birthday crying in my room. As the years progressed things changed. Though not for the better. 

The only reason why I'm spilling these deep private thoughts now, is because of one and one person only. And that person is one Mathew "Matt" Connor Blake. That 6 ft. 3 brute with a soft smile and a even softer personality, who's total typical jock and yet what most people don't know is that he's a big math and science nerd. He works with me and our brothers in the grocery store/café below our apartment building that all of our parents own. (Long story.) He takes care of his younger brothers, and he used to let his older sister torment him to no end, just to make her happy. He's the sweetest person on the planet and is too good to be on this Earth. And you want to know what the worst part of all of this is? I'm in love with that sweet, too innocent asshole that I call a best friend. And what's really bad is that there's no way that he'll ever love me back in more than just a platonic way.


	2. Chapter 1: End of Summer-2019 (Oliver)

The calmness of the blackness of my surroundings was very soothing to me. It was like being covered in a blanket of night. I like it; I liked that feeling of calmness, it was serene to me. I felt as if it were a place that nothing could touch or hurt me. Everything was right where I was, I felt like that I belonged where ever I was. And the best part was that I was alone. I liked being alone, I am by nature a loner. Yes I have Matt and all of our other friends, but I like being by myself. I'm an introvert, so sue me! But, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, like something was wrong. And I can't quite pinpoint what it is that's wrong with this situation. Maybe it's the fact that Matt or any of my family aren't here. I wonder where they are? They should be coming here shouldn't they? I can now feel the tell-tell signs of a panic attack coming on. Where are they? Are they ok? Oh my God! There's something wrong, they could be hurt, or sick, or worse. NO! NO, NO, NO, NO,NO, NO,NO! They're dead! they're dead just like Dad. And now I'm all alone, they all abandon me. It's just me now What am I going to do?! In my little rant session I didn't really pay attention to the noises that I was beginning to hear now. ".....llie.....Ol....Ollie,.....Ollie..... OLIVER!"

Suddenly I snapped my eyes awake as I jump back into alertness. Fully sitting up, and being somewhat aware of my surroundings and the fact that my heart was sitting pretty high in my throat. After taking a few minutes to breathe and to calm down, I begin to look around my room. Everything was as it should be. Same old bookcase, littered with every kind of book you could find. Same old desk, with my beat up Windows HP laptop sitting amongst my mess of journals and paper works. While taking a look around to gain back my bearings, I find the source of the voice. There standing in the threshold of our doorway to our bedroom, was my little brother Carter. Sighing, I take in a deep breath, and prepare myself for this conversation. "Carter." I said slowly. He just looked at me, I guess he thought that I was in one of my moods, where it was very hard to talk to me. Normally the only ones who could talk to me during these moods are Mom, Matt, and Naomi, and sometimes Mrs. Blake. Well, jokes on him, I am pissed that he woke me up, though that's mainly because of the dream I was having that leaves me feeling empty and cold inside. Well, guess now is the time to have some fun with him. "Carter.... answer me." I said between clenched teeth. "Yeah, Ollie.." He squeaks. He begins to try and back away from me into the safety of our living room. "Come here now." I said with all of the big brother authority I had. He slowly walks across our room to my bed. I grabbed his arm and pulled him close to me. I leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Why did you wake me up ?!" I hissed. As he was about ready to reply I grabbed him and pulled him into my chest as I began to tickle him. He was laughing so hard I thought that he was going to pee himself. It was awesome!

Once Carter was able to break free from my grip, he jumped out of my hold and onto the floor. Well, more like he fell onto the floor, but details. "You're an asshole." He tells me as he picks himself up off of the floor. "Language." I try to say in the sternest voice I can muster in the middle of my fit of giggles at my baby brother. He rolls his eyes at me and goes across the room to sit on his bed. "Ok, ok, I'm sorry." I say to him. "Now, why did you need to wake me up?" He huffs at me and flops down on his bed. "Mom, said to wake you up, it's our turn to help Noah open the shop today." He told me as he rolled over on his bed. "You're wrinkling your Star Wars sheets." I told him. He threw a pillow at me.

Now to clear up any confusion about the store and Noah here's all the info. Not that long after Carter was born, Dad, and Matt's Dad Trevor got an idea from the guys at the local fire station he worked at. They were trying to find people to get together with to be able to but a restaurant that was going out of business. And that gave Mr. Blake the idea of buying the little grocery store that is underneath the apartment building we live in. The old owners were an elderly couple wanted to either close or sale so that they could retire and go live in Florida. With no family in the area that was willing to take over Dad and Mr. Blake talked it over with Mom and Mrs. Blake and our landlord Mr. Johnson and bought it from them. The couple, I can't remember their names, gave it to them at a below market price or whatever you want to call it and they took over. We've had it in our in family names ever since. And as for Noah, well when I was about 13 or so, Mom and Mrs. Blake thought that it would be a good idea to add some extra help. Especially since Dad was gone and we were done a man. So a help wanted sign was put in the window. And a week later Noah Cline walked in. The only reason that I knew him was through my sister. Naomi was and still is crazy about him. He was mister popular, captain of both the football and wrestling team, he also did track and maybe baseball too. He was a state scholar, and Valedictorian of his class (2018, he's a year older than my sister.). So you can see why she's crazy about him, Noah is every girls' dream man. He's worked here since 2016, and Naomi's been drooling over him since.   
Moving on, working at the store isn't actually as bad as my brother and sister make it out to be. Naomi would rather be locked up in her room on her phone messaging her friends on her phone then actually interacting with people. (And she wants to be a social worker.) While Carter wants to play video games all day or go to the skate park with his friends. Me, well first of all it doesn't bother me to do something nice for a my Mom at all, for the most part. And the second reason is that I have nothing else to do constructive wise with my time, might as well find something else to keep me busy. It's either working at the store my Mother co-owns with my best friend's parents, or do drugs or dumb crap like that. Those were basically my only options. And I chose the good one. Though sometimes I wish that I could have some stuff to take my mind off the mind-numbing boringness of working here sometimes. The only thing that constantly makes this job worth my time is that Matt and his siblings have to work here too from time to time. Having a bunch of teenagers run a place of business for adults is such a great idea in my book. What could possibly go wrong with that? Can you see the sarcasm? Then there are the times that I wish that I didn't come down to work some days. 

The only good and bad thing about working at the store is my best friend Matt. He's my solid foundation and confidant. We've been through thick and thin together since we were in diapers basically. And then there's the fact that my best friend, who's kind lovable, and is the biggest goofball to ever exist, is a certified chick magnet. No matter where we go, there is always at least one girl who hits Matt up and gives him her phone number. It gets old very fast. Which is one of the downsides to working the same shift as him at our family's store. Sometimes it seems like that all of the girls from our school know his work schedule by heart. It drives me insane! We can't get any work done when we have like 20 girls loitering around the property trying to get Matt's attention for more than a few minutes. And the worse part about all of this that Matt's completely oblivious to the intent of these girls half the time. I love the guy to death, he's my best friend. But it astounds me sometimes at how dense he can be sometimes. I mean, really he has at least 20 girls at a time, disgustingly flaunting themselves at him and he thinks that they are just being nice. 

So one can say that when I walked into the storeroom and ran right smack dab into Matt I was more than a little flustered. And it didn't help at all that he was wearing a muscle t-shirt with the Chicago Bears logo on it. It really defined his arms and chest in the best possible that I could ever imagine. And swooning doesn't even begin to describe how I felt after Matt caught me by my arms so that I wouldn't fall. I know that it was very stupid of me to even think about such a notion. I mean come on this is my best friend, that's just wrong to think about him like that. And besdies the man is straighter than any kind of wooden board out there. And it's times like these that it just hits me all of a sudden that all that we'll ever be is friends. And that always makes something crack inside of me. When I first realized that I had feelings for Matt that weren't totally platonic, it was our last year of middle school, and that night I had went home and just cried my eyes out about it, becasue I was so terrified about being in love with me best freind. And that secret stayed burried within me for months until I had a complete mental breakdown on Naomi. One day she just looked at me and asked if I was ok or not, and the next thing that I know is that I'm balling like a baby in her arms. Naomi has always had that effect on me since we were kids. It's how I know that she'll make a great mother one day. She can read me and practically anybody else like an open book no matter how closed off you are towards other people once she knows you well enough. It's also way we've never really fought with each other before, she always knew how to shut down the conflict before it could get out of hand. And because of this trait of hers' is part of the reason that Naomi is like my rock, besides, Matt. And before the two of them it was my Dad. Sometimes I wonder rather I'd be in this situation that I'm in now if my Dad was still alive. My Dad was killed when I was 11, and I'm almost 17 now. I start to think all that he has missed in my life in the past almost 6 years. 

I came out as gay to my family and most of my friends a month before me 15 birthday. That was one of the most nerve wrecking times of my life. And I almost didn't come out at all, it was thanks to the combined effort of Matt and Naomi that I worked up the nerve to finally do it. I was terrified about what my Mom's reaction would be. A million different possibilities were running through my mind for 2 months. That was also one of the more darker periods of my life. I was terrified of getting kicked out, disowned, or beaten, And the reaction that I was dreading most was Matt's. The boy is as Catholic as you can get and his family is more faithfull in their religion than he is. And so in my panicked gay mind it made perfectly good sense to confess to Matt first. And it didn't blow up in my face that bad at all. 

I can remember that night just like it had happened yesterday, it's still so fresh. It was late December, it was the weekend that we had just gotten out for Christmas break of 2017. Mom was working the late shift at the hospital, Carter was actually over at Matt's place having a sleepover with his little brothers. And Naomi was just chilling in her room being her emo teenage self. (She refuses to admit it even though this wasn't that long ago, but she was an emo until the 2nd semester of her Junior year of high school. I have all of the photo evidence to prove it.) Matt and I were in my room laying down on my bed upsidedown in silence. I can't remember how the conversation got started, I just remember sitting in silence for what felt like hours, even though it probably wasn't that long. I was a nervous wreck, and I had been one all day at school. And I knew that Matt could tell that there was something going on with me. And I can remeber plainly cursing him in my head for not being oblivious to me the one time I needed him to be. It was painstakingly obivous that he wanted to talk about it. This just goes to show you how much of a wreck that I can be in very over emotional situations. He looked at me and said "Ollie, is there something that you need to tell me?" It was in that sooting gentle tone of voice that he has, now that I can think about it, his voice has gotten even more seducting since we hit puberty. Not even 5 seconds later I was a crying mess in his arms. We must have sat there for 2 hours at least in that same position before he got me calmed down enough to explain to him what was troubling me. I was so scared that he was going to reject me when he didn't answer strait away when I told him that I was pretty sure that I wasn't straight. And when he finally did, he said that he didn't understand. And knowing Matt and thinking back on it with a clearer head than I had at the moment in time I know that he didn't mean anything mean, or bad by that. But, over emotinal, and scared out of their mind 14 year old me, was pissed off beyond beleif when he said that to me. I can't remember a time that I was ever that mad at Matt in my life. I blew up on the poor boy, and Matt, bless his soul; a soul that is to good for this world (I always tell him that he was an angel sent down from Heaven to help keep me from going to Hell, but he's to modest to admit anything and just blushes and tells me to shut up), didn't even flinch at me. I went on a 20 minute rant about how I was gay and that I wasn't kidding. I don't remeber exactly all that I had said to him, but I know that I went on to tell him that I had a crush on our 7th grade history teacher Mr. Crane, and how I used to day dream about him being with me and doing stuff that's not PG until we hit high school when I found out that he got married to Ms. Carson our middle school's attendance secretary. By the end of it I was a complete train wreck, and I can remember feeling the symptoms of a panic attack coming on as I slid down the wall and sat on the floor with my head in my arms. I remember the voice in the back of my head chanting over and over again tauntingly about how Matt and everyone else was going to leave me and be all alone. The next thing that I know is there's a hand on my shoulder. I take a chance and look up to see Matt sitting in front of me, with a smile on his face. He looked at me for a few minutes before he told me that everything was going to be ok. He told me that me being gay wasn't going to change the way that he felt about me, and that I was still his best friend no matter what. And that nothing, not even our parents, or sexualities could break us apart from each other. And then I cried as he hugged me, it felt good knowing that he still had my back in any situations. 

The day after Matt had left, Naomi waltzed into my room and sat down on my bed when I was laying on it and just looked at me and said, "It's about time you came out of the closet kid." I was so embarrassed about the fact that my sister probably, A.) Heard spill my guts out to Matt last night since our rooms are next together, the walls are paper thin and the fact that I wasn't exactly quiet during my mini meltdown, and B.) Knowing Naomi, she probably figured out that I was gay when she was 10 and I was 8. Looking back on that memory makes me think about what my Dad's reaction to this would have been. My Mom just looked at me and cried and told me that she was sorry that she didn't realize it sooner and that I spent so long thinking that she would hate me for it. Carter looked at me like I had grown two heads for the longest time. He was only 12 or 13 at the time. He didn't really know about being gay at the time, so it was a big adjustment since he didn't really understand at first, but once he did everything worked out just fine. 

And I recived a lot of supported from the Blakes. Matt's Dad Trevor had pulled me aside once he knew that I was out, and told me that he kinda figured it out by the way that my Dad was talking. And his Mom Janet told me something similair when she cornered me in their kitchen right after that. And Carter took care of Matt's younger brothers. He told them and I qutoe, "Any one of you dumb butts mess with my older brother, and I'll kick your teeth in." Faye just looked at me and yelled at me (jokingly) for taking so long to realize it and come out of the closet about it. All in all it wasn't a bad experience, and I know that other people have had it worse off than me when it came to coming out, but I am thankful and grateful that I have such a loving and supportive, support system backing me up all the way on this. 

This memory is one of the reasons that I fell in love with Matt. It shows how compassionate he is about the ones he loves. And that he would go to the ends of the Earth any one of us. Matt is so kind and loving that it could just rot your teeth out sometimes. And that just makes me want to choke him sometimes. God, why did I have to fall in love with one of the sweetest idiots on the planet again? It's going to be an even longer year than last year, if my feelings still try to get in the way everytime Matt does something stupid or cute or both. AHH!!! I hate my life sometimes, if it isn't that obvious to you people at the moment. But as they always say, life must go on, even if it sucks a lot. And well that's just how my life works now.


	3. Chapter 2 Beignning of the School Year 2019-2020 (Matt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Chapter from Matt's perspective

Chapter 2 Beginning of the School Year 2019-2020 (Matt) 

The beginning of the school year has always been one of the most hectic and  unpredictable  for me and my family. I never knew why, that’s just always been how it was. From the time my older sister Faye’s first day of school until now. It must be a Blake family thing or something. I can even remember when I was little my mother yelling at my father that he was going to be late for work yet again, and that his Captain would “have his ass” as she put it. Though it is a very fond memory for Ollie and I to laugh at later on whenever they have nothing to talk about and are being stupid. Whenever I bring up that little amusing antidote you can almost always count on the fact that Oliver would be rolling around on the floor laughing until he couldn’t breathe. Ollie would always tell me that the apple really didn’t fall that far from the tree. My usual reaction would be to squawk at him and would smack him on the arm. So what if I was also notoriously late to almost everything I ever did like my father was also. And there was also the fact that Ollie and everyone else that I knew also thought that it was funny that not only that I’m late to everything, but I was also late being born by about a month almost. My mom still gives me heavy grief over it and I’m almost 17 years old for goodness sakes! Though I’ll be lucky if she gives up on this by the time I’m getting married. 

Anyway onto the real topic of conversation here. The real thing that I want to get off of his chest is pretty personal. And he’s really not sure how to go about it. Even though I know for a fact that if anyone ever found out about, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Though, that still makes it hard to come clean with myself about something so personally deep and life changing. And the thing that makes this the most stupid thing about this is the fact that I have a great support system behind that’s there for me no matter what happens. Which makes my whole entire little freak out session seem very unfounded. Though I guess that when everyone else comes to this realization about themselves they go through the motions just to get everything right. Though I know that if I admit this secret part about me that nothing in my life will really change except for like two or three things. 

I guess for one to be able to understand how these things will change about me I better go on ahead and just spill my guts now right? That’s what people do when they have a secret that is completely eating them up inside. Ok, here goes nothing then I guess. Ok, well, I guess I better introduce myself to all of you properly then. Hello everyone, it’s very nice to meet you, my name is Matthew Conner Blake, though you can call me “Matt” everyone else that I know and my family does. And what I want to say before I either forget or lose the courage to say this. I am am 16, almost 17 years old and I’m bisexual. Which is weird for me to say it out loud at the moment. I guess where this revelation of mine is still very new to me. Though I don’t know why I’m so worried about telling everyone this though, I mean my best friend Ollie came out as gay a couple of years ago, so I know that he’s going to be ok about this. My feelings for him never changed when he came out to me, and he was so nervous about what my reaction would be that he almost threw up on me twice. It was not a very pretty moment for either of us, but hey it worked and we’re still here together now in the present. And I know that my family wouldn’t treat me any different than they did before. I mean even though my family is Catholic, they aren’t very orthodox in most of the centeral known beliefs of our religion. I mean when Ollie came out my mom cried and hugged him and told him how proud of him she was, and how much she still loved him like he was her own. 

After Ollie’s father was killed on duty as a police officer Mom kind of adopted him, his older sister Naomi, and his little brother Carter. Along with the other 4 kids, including me that she had with my dad. Though nobody really minded at all to tell you the truth. Our families were already so close with each other beforehand that it was hard to spot a difference. Ollie and him still did everything together like they did before and they still had sleep over and were still connected at the hip. They did everything together, and almost never went anywhere without the other one not that far behind him. Ollie used to tell people when they were in middle school that they came as a packaged deal, you couldn’t get one of them, without getting the other one too. Everyone that they told that speil to just laughed at them and moved on to other things. Though Ollie always stayed by his side regardless of what people told him. 

Some weren’t too thrilled at the fact that Ollie was gay when he came out to everyone in middle school. Though most of the school was very welcoming and supportive of him, there were still the few jerks and dumbasses that still wanted to make Ollie’s life a living Hell because he was different than the rest of the guys. A couple of the guys that were older than them, they were high schoolers if I remembered correctly, would pass us by on the way to school use to call him unsavory names and would try to get rough with him. On more than one occasion I would have to step in and stop them from harassing him. Though things had esscalted one day when I was sick and Ollie had to walk to school by himself. He had shown up to school beaten up to a pulp, half an hour late, and was barely up right. The school had called both the hospital, where his mom just happened to be the one to answer the phone(She was beyond pissed) and the police. An ambulance came to get Ollie and take him to the ER where his mom was already waiting on them, to get him checked out. His mom later called my mom and told her everything and things just sort of went downhill from there. 

Ollie ended up being fine in the end, though he had a sprained ankle, some bruised ribs, and a slight concussion. And they were able to catch the guys who beat him up too. Those two idiots were stupid enough to corner Ollie in front of a traffic camera. The police, who just so happened to be from his father’s old preceint watched the footage and were able to make an arrest. And when we found out those two’s reactions when they had been informed that they had assaulted an officer’s kid. It was priceless, and it was the first time that Ollie had laughed since the whole thing had happened. Revenge was a dish best served cold as they say, and they will be spending the next couple of years rotting in a jail cell for what they had done to my best friend. 

Which leads me on to my next point of my little break down here. The whole reason that I even brought up Ollie at all to begin with, wasn’t just because he’s my best friend. The other realization that I have just come to besides the fact that I’m bisexual, is that I am also in love with my best friend. I guess that I have been in love with him for years before I even registered what it was. When I first put it all together I was with Ollie at the time, and I had just froze on him. It had taken about 15 minutes before Ollie could snap me out of it and ask what was going before I just told him that I remembered that I had homework to do for Church and that I had to go home to finish it. I bolted from his room and across the hall to my apartment and hid there for the rest of the weekend. Though I have come to realized that I could never tell Ollie about my feelings ever. I mean, come one that would just ruin our friendship and there’s also the fact that Ollie doesn’t see me anymore as a friend anyway. 

  
  
  



	4. Homecoming and Getting Themselves Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally these two get a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter, hope that you all enjoy!  
> -N.

Chapter 3 : Homecoming and Getting Themselves Together 

One thing that Ollie had not seen coming from his best friend of all people. And it was something that he would never thought would ever happen to him would be that someone would confess to him like they do in the movies. Though it really surprised him that it was his best friend who was the one to confess to him like they were in some kind of movie. It made him feel extremely happy and up-lifted. Because never, in a million years did he ever think that someone would ever love him that much to do something like that for him. And he also never thought that Matt would ever return his feelings for him, let alone confess them in front of the whole entire school. 

To get the whole story straight, how about we go and start from the very beginning of it all. After the summer of Ollie’s suffering, and Matt’s beginning of the year sexuality crisis things had changed just a little bit between them. It wasn’t much at first, and it ended up being hardly anything at all, but it still altered the way that they acted around each other. Ollie had noticed that Matt acted more hesitant and reserved around him. It was like that he had something to say to him, a big secret or something that he just couldn’t bring himself to tell him. It made the anxiety in his stomach knot up and twist itself into pretzels and other fun shapes. He felt jilted just a little bit at the action too. He was upset since Matt used to always tell him everything that was bothering him, even if it was the most insignificant thing that someone could think of. If it was on Matt’s mind then you could gurantee that Ollie would know it in a matter of hours. And to not have Matt tell him something was just crushing towards Ollie and his already fragile frame of mind. 

While on the other end of this relationship was Matt, and his growing predicament. He wanted to tell his best friend that he was in love with him and he was terrified that he would reject him. He was consumed by these thoughts that he had started to pull away from Ollie without realizing it. And it had gotten to the point that there was beginning to be a strain in their relationship. Ollie had started to act colder towards not only Matt, but everyone else in their lives also. He was more withdrawn than anybody had ever seen. It was like his father was just killed all over again. Ollie wouldn’t talk to anyone and that just drove Matt completely nuts. He knew that there was something wrong with his best friend and he was determined to get to the bottom of it so that he could figure out how to mend their relationship. Though he never got the chance to go through with his original plan. 

Matt had known for years that Ollie suffered from depression and social anxiety, especially after his father was killed. He knew that Ollie had good days and that he had bad days and that sometimes he just didn’t want to be around people. Though never in a million years did he ever think that his best friend was suicidial. It broke his heart when he was pulled out of class one day at school to the office, and was informed by the principal that Ollie was in hospital. It was then that his whole entire world had just shattered. 

He was told that Naomi had come home from college unexpectantly when Ollie was home because he had told their mom that he was “sick.” So she had left to take Carter to school and go on to work since he had convinced her that he would be fine at home all by himself. Once she had left Ollie had gone into the bathroom and had taken out one of the razors that they kept in the cabinets. He had tried to slice both of his wrists open and had made a cut on his arm, when his sister had busted into the bathroom looking for him. Since Naomi didn’t have class that morning until later that evening their mom had called her to come and take care of Ollie while she was at work. She came in and saw Ollie with the razor and things just went downhill from there. Ollie ended up having a panic attack at the prospect of being caught trying to kill himself. He just started freaking out and it took a while before Naomi was able to calm him down enough to try and figure out what was wrong. 

She was never able to get Ollie to talk to her, but she did get him cleaned and banged up enough to take him to the hospital. She had called their mother and had her meet them at the front enterrance. When they got there their mother was hysterical and they had rushed Ollie off to be examine and treated. The doctor wanted to keep him for a couple of days for observation so that they could figure out their next step. Ollie ended up staying there for about 3 days at the hospital under a suicide watch. It really scared him when he found out about it. His mom had to come and get me from school and take me home he was freaking out so bad. Though it all ended semi-well in the end. His mom had kept him out of school because of how bad he was freaking out and he spent that time working out my grand plan to confess to Ollie when he got home. The day that Ollie was aloud to come home was on Friday. At least that was what Ollie’s mom had told his mom. She wouldn’t tell me the time though, so he just spent all day pacing back and forth in front of my front door, checking it occasionally to see if they had come home yet. It was driving him beyond insane. He just wanted to confess to Ollie and get all of it over with already. He wanted to tell the boy that he was in love with that he was in love with him. He wanted to hold Ollie tight and never let him go so that nothing in the world could ever hurt him ever again. 

Ollie had gotten home at 3:45 P.M. that evening. Matt had watched him walk through his front door through the peephole in his. He waited about an hour and a half after Ollie and his family got home before he placed his plan into action. Matt went to the fridge and got the ice cream that he bought yesterday(strawberry, Ollie’s favorite), the cookies that he and his mother had made and walked out of the apartment. In all of the time that he had known Ollie, he had never once been afraid to go and knock on his front door. He waited for a few minutes before he could muster up the courage to go and knock on the front door. A few seconds later his mother opened the door. “Matt, what are you doing here?” She asked him puzzled. “Uh,, Hi Ma’am, I’m just here to check up on Ollie, is that ok?” Matt asked. And it took a few minutes before she answered him. “Yes, you can see Ollie, I think you’re what he needs right now Matthew.” She told him with a smile and let him in to the apartment. 

Ollie was in his room when Matt had found him. He was sitting on his bed alone just staring into nothing. Matt just calmly walked into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. The two of them just sat there beside of each other in silence. It had felt like forever before Matt had mustered up enough courage to speak. “Ollie…..” Matt whispered as he looked at his friend. Ollie didn’t bother to say anything in reply. He just ignore Matt and continued to stare at the floor of his bedroom like it was the most interesting place in the whole world. Matt had given it a few minutes before he would try to talk to him again. He knew that this would take time, based on Ollie’s past behaviors, it always takes forever for him to open up to people when there’s something troubling him. And over the years Matt had learned just to leave him be until he was ready to talk to him about whatever it was. And in the end it always worked out for them, somewhat. 

“Why are you here Matt?” Ollie asked out of the blue. The shock of hearing his voice had surprised Matt and made him jump a little bit. “What do you mean, ‘Why am I here?’?” Matt asked him. He couldn’t believe Ollie! Did he really think that he was so unimportant to Matt that he really wouldn’t take the time to come and check on him once he got home from the hospital. Ollie’s mindset must have been more upsetting than he originally thought it was. This could mean that this is going to be harder than he first thought that it would be. In all of the time that Matt had known Ollie, he’d seen him at some pretty low points in his life. One of his lowest points was just after his father died and Ollie just sort of spiraled out of control with his anxiety. Matt had thought that maybe he had just lost Ollie once and for all. He had realized just how much he had hurt Ollie by ignoring him, because he was too scared about how he would react to him being in love with him. 

“I’m you love with in !!!” Matt blurted out. He was internally freaking out about the fact that he just confessed to his best friend and he made a complete idiot of himself. Matt just sat there for a few minutes, frozen in place. He was scared at what Ollie’s reaction would be to this. It wasn’t helping his nerves any that Ollie hadn’t moved a single muscle since Matt had told him. He was just sitting next to Matt avoiding making eye contact with him. Matt’s panic was really starting to take an affect on him. All that was running through his mind at the moment was how Ollie was never going to talk to him again, because he didn’t love him and Matt had just ruined they’re over decade long friendship. He was brought out of his internal crisis when Ollie finally spoke up. “Don’t say something that you don’t mean Matthew.” Ollie whispered out. And Matt could tell that by the tone and the thickness of his voice that Ollie was holding back tears. It was killing Matt inside that his best friend thought that he just said that he was in love with him to just mess with him. He really needed to fix this. “Oliver, everything that I have ever said and will ever say to you, I will always mean it one hundred percent, do you hear me?” Matt said as he moved closer to Ollie. He took his face in his hands and turned his head to face him. “I love you Oliver James Watson, I have for a while now, and it will never be fake, the feelings that I have for you.” Matt told him. 

What happened next was really something that Matt didn’t see coming. After he had just confessed to Ollie again, he kissed him. Well, to me more clear, Matt didn’t kiss Olllie. Ollie, surprisingly, had just reached out and crashed their lips together. The kiss by no means was anything but messy. Though since it was both of their first kisses, and neither one of them had done anything like this before. The two of them kissed for what felt like forever, and for almost no time at all at the same time. Eventually they both pulled away when they needed some air. “You’re telling me the truth right?” Ollie breathed out. “Promise me that you’re telling me the truth, because if this is a joke or just some kind of pity then… I don’t know, but please tell me that this is real and that you’re just not messing with me.” “I promise with all of my heart that I am telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” Matt told him. “Good, because I’ve been in love with ever since we were in middle school.” Ollie told him. “Really,” Matt said. “You’ve been in love with me for that long and I’ve just been too dense to realize it.” “Yeah, you have, but I love you anyway.” The two of them just smiled at each other for a while and held each other. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ollie whispered into his chest, later on that night when they were laying down on his bed. “With you, I feel limitless, like I can take on the world, I love you.” Ollie said as he fell asleep. “I love you too.” Matt said as kissed the top of his head. This was his forever, and Matt really liked the aspect of it. He loved Ollie and he’s happy to spend the rest of his life with him. 

  
  



End file.
